Friday, October 22, 2010

make and compare lists...

make and compare lists. We make lists for errands, responsibilities and job tasks - but have you ever made or compared your "happy" list?

We all define our happiness by certain things that are important to us. If it's a need or want that's a high priority on our list, then we need our partner to oblige the request and provide whatever that is to fulfill the item on the list. The problem is - sometimes we don't even know what's on the other persons list. And, what we may also forget is that the things that are important to me may not even be on my spouses' list. He may (and does) have a totally different set of things on his list. If I only acknowledge the things on my list as being valid, I won't come close to giving him what he needs and making him happy. See if this sounds familiar - "I do everything for him/her and he/she doesn't appreciate it or me. All that I do should be enough so I don't know what his/her problem is!" The key point is the "everything" you may be doing for the other person is not the priority on their list, so guess what - not happy. You've got to know their list and not what you think they want/need. Maybe he doesn't care if you cook, but he cares that you'll watch a football game with him and just order a pizza. Maybe she doesn't care if you help with the dishes, but she cares that you cuddle and read with her as you fall asleep instead of watching TV in the bedroom. Maybe he helps with the kids, but what she needs is for him to still see her as a sexy desirable woman he can't keep his hands off. Sometimes we struggle to express our true needs for happiness. It makes us feel vulnerable, we think the other person should automatically "know" what we want, or we don't think they'll do it so we never ask. So make it easy - make a list. Make sure your top three are actually the things that you MUST have in order to be happy. And be explicit - don't just write down "romance." (hint hint Ladies - men understand precise instructions, not vague generalities). Once the lists are made - exchange, compare and then commit to focusing on the items that make the other person HAPPY. And this applies to friendships too. If you care about tha happiness of your friends, get to know what it really is that they need out of your relationship and focus on their list. Good friends are hard to find. True friends are even harder to find. So the lists of friends are just as important.

So, for today I will compare lists. Things may be going pretty good or things may be off track. But I am going to make my list and compare it to my spouses'. When I do I will discover some things I never knew and I will strive to oblige my loved one with the items that make them happy. After all, if I love someone shouldn't I want to make them happy. So what's on your list?